Peepers
by BeautyAndStrength
Summary: AU. Keef is back, just as chipper, optimistic, and clingy as ever. And miraculously - mysteriously - with both his eyes back. But this time, there's something ominously different about him, something lurking under that Keef-ish exterior, that puts Zim's nerves on edge. FULL SUMMARY INSIDE.
1. Prologue

**Fandom:** Invader Zim

**Rating:** Teen/Mature

**Warnings:** Violence, body horror, and disturbing images

**Pairings:** None

**Summary:** Keef is back, just as chipper, optimistic, and clingy as ever. And miraculously - mysteriously - with both his eyes back. But this time, there's something ominously different about him, something lurking under that Keef-ish exterior, that puts Zim's nerves on edge.

But his nerves turn to terror when one of his attempts of fighting Keef off results in the latter's pursuits taking an alarmingly abrupt and deadly turn! After Zim inadvertently drags Dib into the chaos, the two of them make a shocking discovery about the previously innocent and unassuming Keef.

* * *

~Prologue~

* * *

_Jeepers Creepers, where'd ya get those peepers?_

_Jeepers Creepers, where'd ya get those eyes?_

― Johnny Mercer, "Jeepers Creepers"

* * *

Buried deep below the bowels of the Earth, a laboratory sat in dormant silence.

Nothing whirred. Nothing beeped. Nothing flashed or buzzed. All was silent and still, almost dead. But there was also a sense of anticipation resting within the still air, like the lab was some great beast waiting for something or someone to come and resurrect it; to breathe life into it.

For this lab, that someone came with the sound of thunder.

A low rumbling, starting soft before gradually rising in volume, rattled the stillness of the lab. The rumble, originating from the elevator in the corner that connected the lab to the surface world, reached its peak as the elevator ended its descent into the lab. The elevator door opened, revealing a Figure, who stepped out. His face was hidden by the dark blue hood he wore. Only red irises peeked out from under it.

As if sensing his presence, the lights of the laboratory twitched on, and the computer's monitor brightened to life.

"GOOD AFTERNOON, SIR," the computer greeted the Figure in a dulcet female voice.

"Good afternoon," the Figure answered back, his voice low, deep, and commanding. "Computer, bring me genetics pod #332 out of containment."

"THE SPECIAL POD, SIR?" the computer asked.

The Figure let out an annoyed sigh. "Yes, the special pod."

"RIGHT AWAY, SIR."

Two seconds later, a medium size clear glass container sprang up through a chute on the computer's console. Translucent green liquid, filling the container almost to the top, sloshed around inside, but it was the contents within the liquid that the Figure was interested in. He leaned forward, looking at the objects resting within the liquid, the sight of them not even drawing a flinch out of him, despite the fact that the very sight of them would cause anyone else's skin to squirm.

A pair of disembodied eyeballs floating around on their stalks stared back at him through the green liquid before lazily drifting around and scanning the room, unseeing, lidless, even a little inhuman (perhaps they were). The Figure looked at them with an almost eager greed, like they were some gruesome trophy he was about to win.

"Computer, progress report on #332," the Figure said, never looking away from the eyeballs.

"GENETICS POD #332, A.K.A. THE PEEPERS, ARE AT 100% GROWTH, AND 100% BIOLOGICAL COMPATIBILITY. THEY ARE READY FOR OPTIC RETINAL FUSION, AND AWAIT YOUR ORDERS TO PROCEED WITH THE PROCEDURE."

The Figure smiled. "Excellent!" he said, before collapsing into a fit of cackling laughter, causing his deep voice to go up a few octaves.

"WHEN WOULD YOU LIKE TO INITIATE THE PROCEDURE, SIR?"

The Figure stopped laughing, his face slipping from one of devious mirth to seriousness. "Immediately!" he declared. "I do not intend to wait any longer! Prepare the chamber for Optic Retinal Fusion now!"

"AS YOU COMMAND, SIR."

The Figure watched as the container holding the eyeballs disappeared down the chute with a loud_ PHUNK_. He then pressed a button on the console and turned toward the door on the wall behind him, watching as it opened to reveal a long, clear cylindrical chamber stretching up to the ceiling. He stepped forward, staring at the chamber pensively.

"Sixteen times the charm," he commented.

"DO YOU REALLY THINK IT WILL WORK THIS TIME, SIR?"

"We shall see," the Figure answered. "And even if it doesn't, it has to eventually. So we'll just keep trying until it does."

"YOUR DETERMINATION IS TRULY INSPIRING, SIR."

The Figure wave his hand dismissively. "Yeah, yeah, enough of that," he said in an unimpressed tone. "You can kiss my posterior later. Just warm the chamber up."

"WARMING UP, SIR. WOULD YOU LIKE SOME ANESTHETIC? AS YOU NOW KNOW FROM THE LAST FIFTEEN TIMES, THIS WILL NOT BE A PAINLESS PROCESS."

"That won't be necessary," he answered. "After enduring the other fifteen trials, I'm pretty sure my pain tolerance has increased."

"IF YOU SAY SO, SIR. THE CHAMBER IS READY FOR YOU."

"Brilliant," the Figure said in a low, satisfied tone.

As the chamber whirred to life, the Figure suddenly reached up, grabbed the eyeballs he was currently wearing in his eye sockets, and pulled them out, letting out a sharp, momentary yelp as he did. He stood there with them resting his palms, as if contemplating their existence. They weren't even _real_ eyes, let alone really his. They were mechanical, robotic; not made by him but by...someone else. Their glowing red irises stared toward the chamber, as if worried that their run could potentially be over; irises that were designed by the same someone else to make him see things that weren't really there, a function that wore off ages ago, leaving his sight and mind clearer than ever. Shifting the robot eyes to his left hand, the Figure raised them up and a pair of robotic hands came down and took the eyes out of his grasp. With eye sockets empty and his vision temporarily gone, the Figure reached out his hand and blindly stepped forward until his fingers met the door of the chamber, which slid open at his touch. He stepped inside, and turned around the face the computer.

"Computer, initiate fusion!" he ordered.

"INITIATING FUSION."

The chamber door slid shut and the chamber was suddenly filled with a thick, yellow smoke. A steady pulsing was heard, starting slow and soft before increasing in speed and volume, like some kind of robotic heartbeat. And with each increase of speed, the computer counted up.

"FUSION IS AT 30%...45%...55%...75%"

Still, the pulsing was all that was heard.

"FUSION IS NOW AT 80%...85%...90%"

Suddenly, the laboratory was filled with the most unimaginable, organ-twisting shrieks coming from the chamber, so loud they almost drowned out the accelerating pulse. Flashes of light filled the chamber again and again, revealing the Figure inside thrashing around.

"OH DEAR," the computer said casually. "I BET HE WISHES HE HAD THE ANESTHETIC NOW." There was a pause, filled only by the Figure's agonized shrieks of pain from within the chamber. "YES, I BELIEVE HE DOES," she said in that same casual tone as more of the Figure's high-pitched shrieks filled the room; probably the only time other than when he cackle-laughs that his voice rises several octaves. "LUCKY WE'RE ALMOST DONE. FUSION IS AT 95%."

Within the chamber, the flashes of light accentuated the Figure's silhouette.

Lasers bore into his eye sockets, causing his shrieks to intensify.

The Peepers were brought forward and attached to his sockets at the stalks.

The lasers bore into his sockets again, drawing out more shrieks as they fused the Peepers to his brain.

The Peepers hung out of his sockets by their stalks before an increase of light in the chamber caused them to retract into his sockets with a wet, squishy _FWIP._

He screamed the entire time.

"FUSION AT 100%," the computer said. "POWERING DOWN IN 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1."

As she counted down, the speed of the pulsing slowed bit by bit before disappearing. Once it stopped, the chamber door slid open, briefly filling the room with the yellow smoke before the Figure collapsed out of the opening, landing on his hands and knees on the floor with labored gasps.

"Ow," he said in a dry, monotone voice when his labored intakes of air slowed to much steadier breathing.

"YOU WERE RIGHT, SIR. YOUR PAIN TOLERANCE HAS INDEED INCREASED. YOUR AGONIZED SHRIEKS MADE THAT VERY CLEAR," the computer said with a blatantly sarcastic tone.

The Figure growled at the computer's mockery. "Oh, shut up, you stupid machine!" he snapped. Really, whoever's bright idea it was to give computers the capacity for sarcasm should be vaporized immediately!

"HOW ARE THE VISUALS, SIR?" She said 'sir' with a haughty tone, no doubt left over from her previous sarcastic statement, and her response to the Figure's angry reply.

The Figure ignored her attitude and blinked several times, checking the use of his brand new pair of eyes. "Not yet good. Everything's still dark. The optic nerves haven't yet synced up with mine. Looks like we'll have to give them a few minutes."

"GOOD IDEA, SIR."

They waited a few more minutes. Slowly, the Figure's eyesight began to melt into existence, revealing blurry images that sharpened into the shapes of the lab's inner machinations. He slowly, steadily, got to his feet, taking a few tentative steps until his hands found the console of the computer.

"HOW ABOUT NOW, SIR?" the computer asked. "ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 10, HOW IS YOUR EYESIGHT?"

"Right now, 8.5," he answered. "The corners are still dark, and everything briefly blackens out when I blink. Another few minutes should clear things up. And even then we'll still have to wait a full week to make sure that these Peepers don't end up...like the other fifteen did."

"AND IF THEY DO, WHAT THEN?"

"Simple; we start over again until we get it right."

"BUT IF THEY DO WELL, YOU GO BACK TO SKOOL, RIGHT?"

The Figure smiled wickedly. "Oh yes, I go back to skool." A low chuckle started to form deep within his throat. "After all, I still have some unfinished business to attend with my...bestest friend!"

With that, the chuckle in his throat erupted into another loud cackle-laugh, one that was only one octave above his usually deep tone. Yet it nonetheless echoed off the lab walls with an ominous dissonance, heralding the danger and doom he had in store for his enemy.


	2. Creeping Malice

**A/N:** Just to clarify, I decided to incorporate some characters' unique speech patterns into the text. So yeah, here's a guide:

Zim:  
**Bold Text** = Zim's low intonations (Ex. "Your pitiful rescue attempt is nothing but a **pitiful failure!** ")

Gir:  
_ITALICIZED CAPS_ = Gir's shrieky voice (Ex. _"I GOTTA GO, PIG! I'LL SEE YOU LATER!_" )  
**BOLD CAPS** = Gir's deep robot voice (Ex.** "YES, MY MASTER!"** )

* * *

~Creeping Malice~

* * *

_How cheerfully he seems to grin_  
_How neatly spreads his claws,_  
_And welcomes little fishes in,_  
_With gently smiling jaws!_  
― Lewis Carroll, "How Doth the Little Crocodile..."

* * *

One week later

For Zim, the day began ordinarily enough.

Well, as ordinary as it could be for a short alien dude who was living on a foreign planet he was plotting to overthrow.

Which meant that Zim's day began with, you guessed it, him trying to come up with a new plan for world domination! Or, at least, working on something that_ kinda_ resembled a plan for world domination. But whether it was actually a good plan was yet to be decided.

* * *

The sound of metal scrapping against the floor of Zim's laboratory mixed with the little green Irken's grunts as he hauled the huge piece of scrap metal (which may have been the door of an American space shuttle once upon a time) across the lab floor so he could make it a part of his next scheme for world conquest.

"Whew!" Zim said after successfully placing the piece of scrap metal in the pile with the other pieces of scrap metal that were also going to take part in his next evil plan. He took a step back, his magenta eyes inspecting the pile of scrap metal in front of him. "Still not enough!" he said. "Looks like I'll have to teleport more space debris to Earth until I have as much as I need for my deadliest weapon yet!"

The sound of clinking behind him caught Zim's attention. He turned around and saw GIR rummaging around a collection of vertically stacked tubular containers filled with special fuel for the Voot Cruiser, causing one of them to topple over. Zim gasped in alarm and ran to catch the container, successfully saving it from shattering on the ground.

"GIR!" Zim scolded. "Be careful! This stuff is highly combustible! You could have blown us all into little itty, bitty **pieces**! And that would be bad, GIR. Very bad."

"Explodies are _bad,"_ GIR answered.

"Yes. Explodies are bad."

"I understaaaaaaaand."

As Zim put the container back, GIR continued running around the lab, peeking under stuff, in stuff, over stuff, and around stuff, appearing to be looking for something.

"GIR, what are you doing?" Zim asked.

"Seeking," GIR replied.

"Seeking? Seeking what?"

Rather than answer verbally, GIR continued to, what he called, seek, looking around in every nook and cranny of the lab. Suddenly, Minimoose popped up from behind the computer's console. Upon seeing him, GIR let out a squeal of excitement right before chasing after him when the little moose-thingy made a run for it. GIR attempted to grab him multiple times during the chase, but he wasn't fast enough. Minimoose reached his destination before GIR could get him; the chute of the toilet-elevator-thingy.

GIR stopped when he saw that Minimoose had made it to the chute. "Aw! You're safe!" he said in defeat. "Now I have to be_ it_ again." Minimoose gave a squeak of approval. "Can't you be_ it_ this time?" GIR asked. "I was it the last TWO MILLION times!" Minimoose shook his head with a disapproving squeak.

"What are you two doing?" Zim asked.

"Playing Hide-and-Seek," GIR said.

"Hide-and-Seek?" Zim said. "I've heard of that. Is it fun?"

"_Very_ fun!" GIR said. "Someone _counts,_ while the other someones _hide_. Then the Counting Someone looks for the Hiding Someones and the Hiding Someones have to run to Home Base before the Counting Someone catches them. If they're caught, they count. If they don't get caught, the Counting Someone has to count again."

"Hm," Zim mused. "That _does_ sound fun. Perhaps I could...what am I saying?! That sounds STUPID! I am an **invader!** I have no time for such foolish Earth-Games! I have more important things to be doing right now!" He walked over to his tool kit and started looking for something to start welding the junk together.

GIR ran up beside him, and looked over his shoulder. "Ooooooohhhhh! Whatcha doing?" he asked.

"Working on my next plan for world domination, what else?" Zim replied.

"Where is it?!"

"It's right over there," Zim said, absentmindedly pointing toward the pile of space junk he had collected.

GIR ran up to the pile and looked back and forth excitedly_. "WHERE IS IT?!"_

"It's right in front of you, GIR," Zim answered.

GIR looked at the pile of scrap metal in front of him and tilted his head from left to right a few times in confusion. "A pile of _junk?"_

"It's not junk, GIR," Zim replied, walking up beside the little robot. "It's space junk. Space junk that I will use in my most diabolical scheme to destroy Earth!"

"But it's_ junk!"_ GIR insisted.

_"BE SILENT!"_ Zim ordered. "It may look like ordinary junk now. But when properly re-constructed by my **genius brain**, it will transform into the most deadliest deadly weapon of doom this world has ever seen!" This sent him into another one of his usual fits of maniacal laughter.

"How's it gonna do_ that_!" GIR asked, interrupting Zim's laughter.

"Allow me to explain," Zim said, pressing a button on the computer's console. The monitor switched on to reveal a picture of the white-haired, demented looking little man everyone knew as the President Man. "As you know, GIR," Zim began. "The President Man is the ruler of this Earth-Country known as the America. But, if something were to happen to him, they would need a _new_ President Man, right?"

GIR shrugged.

"The answer is yes, they would," Zim continued. "And_ that_ is what the space junk is for, GIR. Out of it, I will fashion a huge meteorite, and when the President Man stands on the podium to give his next speech, _I will drop the space junk meteorite on his head, crushing him to death under its weight!"_ This drew more laughter from him. "After the crushing, I will enter as a candidate to be the new President Man. I will cheat and claw my way through, ensuring my victory just as I tried to do during the skool election before Dib-Worm stopped me! Then, once I am President Man I will have excess to all the country's resources and secrets, and with them I will spread my power to the rest of the Earth, ruling this miserable planet and preparing it for Irken conquest!" Another fit of maniacal laughter.

"But why _junk?"_ GIR asked, once again interrupting Zim's laughter.

"Well," Zim said, somewhat sheepishly. "As amazing as I am, I actually don't have excess to the resources necessary to make an _actual_ meteorite, so I had to resort to the next best thing. Besides, even with space junk, people are still less likely to suspect foul play. This filthy planet is surrounded by a whole layer of space debris from all their numerous pathetic attempts at space travel. Everyone will simply think that some of it dislodged, conveniently formed into a meteorite, and just happened to fall on the President Man when he was giving a speech. They'll accept it as no more than a freak accident, and there will be no proof to the contrary. It's so simple, yet so brilliant. Man, I am such a genius I can't even handle it!"

GIR, his tongue hanging dumbly out of his mouth, gave Zim a thumbs up.

"Soon," Zim said, rubbing his hands together. "I will be President Man Zim, and all will bow before me! This rotten planet will be mine to rule!" Yet another fit of maniacal laughter.

"Whoo!" GIR shouted, throwing his arms up in the air. "We're gonna drop_ junk_ on his head!"

Suddenly, the computer started beeping, marking the time.

"Oops," Zim said. "Looks like the evil plan will have to wait until later. If I don't hurry I'll be late for skool. I'd rather not go at all, but if I did that people will get suspicious."

Zim put on his wig and contact lenses before exiting the lab, with GIR and Minimoose right behind him. Before heading out the door, Zim turned to his robot assistant. "You know what you have to do while I'm gone, GIR," he stated.

GIR's eyes turned red. **"GUARD THE BASE SO NO ONE GETS IN, SIR!"**

"Very good," Zim replied. "While you're at it, you can do a little observing as well." With that, he exited the house and started his long trek to skool

GIR's eyes turned back to their usual teal color. "Yay! Observing! I like observing!" he shouted happily before hopping on the couch and switching on the Angry Monkey Show, his own version of observing. "I love this show!" he said fondly.

* * *

The walk to skool was ordinary enough too.

Zim was happy that he had chosen to park his base within walking distance from the skool. He didn't think he'd be able to survive having to ride the bus with all those stinky Dirt-Children, crowding around him. Besides, he quite enjoyed the walk to skool; it gave him some time to be alone and brainstorm more evil plans for the future. You know, in case the current one he was working on failed.

Pfft! Fail! That's hilarious! His plan can't fail! He's too much of a genius for it to fail!

He found that he had gotten so caught up in his own mind that he almost walked right past the skool. He was able to stop himself, but groaned nonetheless. The filthy Lair of Learning looked down at him, and he sighed, looking around to see if the coast was clear before starting up the walkway. Perhaps, if he's lucky, he can get inside without ever running into...

"Zim!"

Zim froze, and then threw his head back in annoyance.

It was impossible to mistake that voice, calling his name with the same accusatory tone it dripped with every day. Nevertheless, Zim turned to face the bespectacled boy with the abnormally large head who had become his enemy from the moment he laid eyes on him.

"What is it now, Dib-Stink?" he asked in a somewhat bored voice.

Dib stormed forward until his face was inches from Zim's, his hand shaking as he pointed it in the alien's face. The ridiculously close proximity caused Zim to almost fall backwards. Thankfully he was able to steady himself, because the next thing that came out of Dib's mouth no doubt would have caused him to experience a very painful meeting between his posterior and the cement out of sheer shock.

"What have you done with the space junk?!" Dib demanded.

Zim felt his squeedily-spooch twist with alarm. How did the Dib-Human find out about his plan? Had he been spying on him? Zim wouldn't put it past him. Still, he had tried to be as discreet, as inconspicuous with his plan as possible, which, granted, was hard to do when transporting huge pieces of space debris from space to Earth. Nevertheless, he had done pretty well, he thought. By what diabolical means could Dib possibly have figured him out?

Nevertheless, "Pffft!" Zim said, feigning ignorance. "I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about." He paused, crossed his arms over his chest, and turned away from Dib, before looking back at the boy again. "Just out of curiosity, which is totally NOT me trying to see if you're onto to my plan, what _are_ you talking about?"

Dib reached into his backpack and pulled out a laptop computer, opened it, and proceeded to shove it in Zim's face. "Behold!"

Zim stared at the screen and squinted. "That's very interesting." A beat. "What is it?"

"It's a program monitoring the layer of space debris circling Earth," Dib answered. "And look!" He pointed to something on the screen. "There's a hole! A large number of space junk has been stolen over the last few weeks!"

Zim gave Dib a funny look. "You...keep track of the amount of space junk floating in space? That's pathetic, even for you."

Dib slammed the laptop shut. "Don't try to turn this conversation back on me, Zim! I know _you_ stole the space junk and are planning to use it in your next plan to destroy Earth. I don't know how you're going use it, but I know you are, and I'm going to prove it!"

Zim let out a burst of condescending laughter before stopping. "I'd like to see you try to prove something that can't be proven, Dib..._BECAUSE IT DOESN'T EXIST!"_ He turned and started walking into the skool.

"I know you took the space junk, Zim!" Dib shouted. "And I'm going to find out what your plan is and stop you from...making it happen!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Zim said, waving his hand dismissively.

However, when he was fully out of Dib's sight he released a breath of relief. That was too close for comfort. Luckily he was able to cleverly throw Dib off the scent for a little while ("No you didn't!" GIR would have said had he been present). Man, he was so amazing he even scared himself sometimes with how amazing he was.

* * *

Class began ordinarily enough as well.

Zim sat in the front by the door, as he ordinarily did. Dib sat right across the room, staring at Zim with that same, ordinary, suspicious expression, no doubt waiting for an opportunity to expose the little alien. Fool! He will get no such satisfaction from the almighty Zim!

The door opened and Ms. Bitters came slithering in in her usual serpentine fashion. She slithered across the floor (and wall?) before parking herself behind her desk.

"Happy Monday, class," she said. "Today we're going to talk about the _horrors_ of the Bubonic Plague that _decimated_ half of Europe in the Dark Ages, and the _gruesomely painful_ deaths the people inflicted with it _suffered."_ Her body contorted in gruesome glee with each emphasized word. "I've been looking forward to this one all year."

The little light bulb in Zim's head flashed on so bright it almost blinded him. A plague, huh? Perhaps he could create a plague of his own to help him destroy the human race when he becomes President Man. This thought sparked a chuckle in his throat that erupted into another fit of maniacal laughter that went on for almost 11 seconds. It stopped abruptly when Zim opened his eyes and saw that everyone else in the room was staring at him with confused, and weirded out faces.

Zim cleared his throat. "Sorry," he said. "I _am_ a normal human worm-baby and _not_ an alien trying to take over the Earth. I swear."

The other kids shrugged and accepted this, turning their attention back to Ms. Bitters. Only Dib continued to stare at Zim, his suspicious eyes narrowing even more.

"Come on!" he said. "It's so obvious he's an alien! How can you guys not see that?"

"Weirdo!" someone shouted from the back of the classroom.

"Thank you, random student," Ms. Bitters said. "You get an A."

"Yay!" came the answer.

Ms. Bitters pointed at Dib. "Dib, be quiet!" she ordered, causing Dib to slump back with a pout. "I don't want to hear another word from you for the next year!" She turned to Zim. "Thanks for that, Zim. It's nice to see that there is someone as excited about the_ disgusting_ and _deadly_ nature of the Black Death as I am." She turned to the rest of the class. "Now, class..."

Suddenly, the door swung open with a loud crash, leaving cracks in the wall behind it, and Zim started screaming. However, it wasn't the suddenness of the crash that caused him to scream, but _who_ was standing in the doorway.

Keef stood in the doorway with his usual sickly-sweet smile plastered on his stupid face. He wore the same old clothes, and sported the same old tuft of red hair on his head. The only thing that was different about him was that he was wearing glasses, which made his big, round, and surprisingly now real-looking green eyes appear bigger and rounder. They weren't as big as Dib's glasses, but they were big enough.

Zim continued to scream at the sight of Keef for a full 15 seconds.

"Silence that insufferable racket, Zim!" Ms. Bitters demanded, causing Zim's screams to stop as abruptly as his laughter had before. She then looked at Keef. "So, Keef, you're back. You've been gone for so long we were all beginning to think that you had met with some kind of horrible freak accident. Too bad we were _wrong."_

Keef didn't seem to notice this disdainful remark from Ms. Bitters. Probably because it was Ms. Bitters, and for her to _not_ make a disdainful remark would have been abnormal. "Sorry about that, Ms. Bitters," he said, walking up to her desk. "I would have come back earlier, but I was having some issues with my eyes. But we got it all fixed and I can finally come back to skool! Yay!" He threw his arms up in triumph.

"Yes, you can," Ms. Bitters said. "Unfortunately. Take a seat."

Throughout the whole exchange, Zim kept his head down, trying to avoid eye contact with the ginger boy who had briefly become the Little Bane of his existence, only coming in second after the Big Bane, Dib. With any luck, he could avoid interacting with Keef ever again.

"Hi, Zim!"

Zim let out another 15 second scream, staring wide-eyed at Keef, who was now leaning against his desk and looking at him with that same sickly-sweet grin and big, round green eyes enhanced by his new glasses. Eyes that shouldn't even be there anymore! How on Irk did he get his eyes back? Zim's scream died into a wheezy whine when Keef suddenly reached across the desk and wrapped the alien in a tight hug. Keef had hugged Zim before, back when they were friends for a day, but never with this much force. His hug was so tight it almost threatened to break the Irken's spine and squeeze the air and life right out of him. In fact, he couldn't shake the feeling that, somehow, that's what Keef _wanted_ to do.

Finally, Keef let go of him, and stared at him with wide, excited eyes. "It's good to see you again, buddy! How have you been?! Good, I hope! You look like you've been good! What do you think of my new glasses?! Huh, huh! I like them! I think they make me look smart!" He was talking a mile a minute that Zim was only able to get a long, drawn-out 'uh' in edgewise as he slowly shrunk away from the boy. From somewhere on the other side of the room, Dib was snickering.

"Keef!" Ms. Bitters suddenly shouted, causing Keef to stop talking and look at her. "You can talk to your _boyfriend_ later. Now go sit down."

Upon hearing the word 'boyfriend', Keef's whole body stiffened and his right eye started to twitch. Then the twitching spread to the rest of his face, which contorted into a twitchy, seizing sneer, complete with near-bulging eyes and grinding teeth. He looked like his whole face, body, and mind were about to snap in half. Then, as quickly as it had twisted, his face rubberbanded into a neutral expression before slipping back into one of his usual nauseating grins.

"Yes, Ms. Bitters!" he said cheerfully, everyone seeming to forget his little episode a moment earlier. He turned to Zim. "I'll talk to you later, buddy." He turned to go sit down, but stopped and turned back to Zim again. "By the way, thanks for the _present!"_ he said, giving Zim another one of his sickly-sweet smiles.

He only looked at Zim for a second before heading to his seat, but it was more than enough time to send the sensation of creepy crawlies all under Zim's skin. It really shouldn't have been all that surprising; Keef's smile always creeped Zim out. But this time, it creeped him out in an entirely different way.

There was something off about that smile, and those eyes.

They almost seemed fake.

It was like that expression was nothing more than a plastic mask of optimism, so thin it was almost translucent. And Zim saw, for a split second, something slithering around underneath it, something dark. It almost looked like some sort of hidden malice creeping around underneath.

A creeping malice.

In the back of his head, he thought of Keef's statement; he had thanked him for the present._ The_ present; the one Zim had given him in order to get rid of him. Was Keef somehow aware of the extent of what Zim had done? Was that creeping malice somehow an early sign of him plotting some sort of revenge?

Zim shook his head to banish such ludicrous thoughts. No, that's ridiculous! This is _Keef _we're talking about here. He is way too naive and stupid of an Earth-Child to even wrap his puny brain around the concept of revenge. Even the Dib was smarter. But Keef, he was harmless. Any harm he would cause would be accidental and born out of good intentions, not deliberate scheming and rancor. Zim always imagines the worst scenario with people, so this _must_ be another concoction of his paranoid brain. Yes, that's what it was. Zim smiled to himself at this comforting thought, clinging to it with all his might.

However, the creepy crawlies under his skin wouldn't go away, no matter how hard he clung.

Meanwhile, Keef was walking to his seat. But his usual spot, which was several seats behind Zim, was taken, so he had to settle for a seat several seats behind Dib on the other side of the room instead. As he made his way down the aisle, he passed by Chunk's desk. True to his character, Chunk stuck out his foot and tripped the ginger, sending him sprawling flat on his face on the ground. Chunk, and the kids in the surrounding desks, all fell into fits of snickers at Keef's misfortune.

"Hey, watch where you're walking, shorty!" Chunk taunted.

"Be quiet!" Ms. Bitters snapped. "I'm allergic to the laughter of children!" At this, most of the kids fell silent. Only Chunk was left snickering.

Very slowly, Keef got himself up off the ground. For a moment, he just stood there stiff as a statue, before slowly turning his head and looking at Chunk. Gradually, Chunk's snickers died down into a fearful silence. Keef's face did not resemble the usual chipper expression of Keef. What Chunk was looking at instead was the same creeping malice Zim had seen, only this time there was no plastic mask covering it. This time the creeping malice in Keef's eyes was open and free, bearing its fangs where Chunk could see them clearly. It was creeping malice that was ready to pounce at any second, and that was enough to cause fat drops of sweat to waterfall down Chunk's face.

He let out a nervous laugh. "Sorry about that, little guy. It was an accident. It won't happen again."

Instantaneously, Keef's face rubberbanded back into one of his usual smiles. "That's OK, Big Guy!" he said happily. "No harm, no foul!"

With that, he proceeded to his desk, causing Chunk to release the breath he was holding and slump back in his chair. He knew without a doubt that he had dodged a bullet, from a gun he never expected to be there.

Ms. Bitters continued with her lecture on the Bubonic Plague with her usual twisted glee on the gruesome subject, while Zim clung to his comforting reassurance about Keef. It worked, for the most part. But every once in a while the creepy crawlies under his skin would go into overdrive. At those moments, Zim found himself cautiously turning and looking at Keef, just to see what he was doing. At first the kid was focusing entirely on Ms. Bitters, then he would turn and make eye contact with the alien. He flashed one of his usual smiles (one that was, once again, not quite right) and offered a friendly wave, causing Zim to quickly turn away. He really needed to stop doing that; it no doubt will cause Keef to cling to him again. And with the new creepy crawlies under his skin in regard the Keef's demeanor, he wanted the kid around him even less than he had before, which he didn't even think was possible.

* * *

Of course, Zim should have expected the traitorous phalanges of Fate to be so...traitorous! Obviously whatever maniacal forces that were pulling the strings of his life hated him, because they made sure that Keef clung to him the rest of the day, like some fat parasite liquefying his insides and draining him of his life juices.

Every period, that sickeningly cheerful demented chipmunk was right next to Zim, chattering away about how Zim was his bestest friend and how much fun they were going to have together. And no matter how hard Zim pushed him away, how loud he screamed at him, or how many times he threatened to dissect the boy if he didn't leave him alone, Keef was undeterred. In fact, it usually only served to make him even clingier.

Observe.

As usual, Zim sat by himself at lunch, eyeing the food on his tray with wary disgust. He looked around to make sure no one was watching him, and saw, as expected, only Dib-Stink looking at him. No, scrutinizing him with that same intensely suspicious stare he always had. You'd think that his eyeballs would just split in half from the stress of how hard he stared at the alien. Zim wished they would already, and save him the trouble of having to do it himself. Oh well. Looks like he's just gonna have to try and ignore him like he always does, while also avoiding eating the food in front of him as he attempted to make it look like he was.

What even was this thing on his plate? The lunch lady said it was some kind of loaf of meat, but to Zim it looked more like an incinerated skinned gopher corpse. He poked at it with his fork.

"Hey, Ol' buddy!"

Zim let out another 15 second scream, practically throwing the loaf of meat off his plate. Once he was all screamed out, he turned and looked at Keef, who stood there with a lunch tray and one of his usual nauseating smile stretched across his face.

"I hope you don't mind, pal, but I'm going to sit with you for lunch today," Keef stated (not asked).

Before Zim could protest, or consent (as if!), Keef sat down and started digging into the loaf of meat on his plate with his fork and shoveling it grossly into his mouth, causing Zim to gag. Of course, Keef didn't notice.

"Isn't this meatloaf great?" Keef asked, releasing the flood. "I typically bring my own lunch to school. Usually sandwiches. Do you like sandwiches, Zim? I _love_ sandwiches! Even more than I like meatloaf, and that's saying something! I only didn't bring a sandwich today because it's meatloaf day! I love the meatloaf here! It's the only time when I can eat any of the cafeteria food without risking hospitalization from food poisoning. That's why I always bring my own lunch. Why do you think it's only the meatloaf that's safe, Zim? Do you think it's because they always burn it? I don't know, and I don't care. Because I love meatloaf! Do you like meatloaf, Zim? If not I'll gladly eat yours, because meatloaf's the best! Are you going to eat your meatloaf, Zim?"

Keef's rant went on for a while, and the kid took maybe only one breath through the whole thing. Sweet mother of Irk! Zim could feel his sanity ready to snap at any moment. He needed to stop Keef before it did. Finally, he did so the only way he knew how.

"Aaaaaahhhhh!" Zim screamed, cutting Keef off mid-sentence. The Irken then turned and grabbed the boy by the collar of his shirt. "Why can't you just leave me ALOOOONNNNEE?!"

He paused, breathing heavily. There was silence in the cafeteria, everyone staring at him, but he didn't care. He still held Keef, staring at him with eyes half manic and half glaring. Keef stared back at him, wide-eyed and slack-jawed. Then, suddenly, Keef threw his arms out and wrapped them around Zim, trapping him in one of his near-fatal hugs. Zim released a wheezy gasp, and let go of the kid, his hands now preoccupied with trying to push the boy off of him.

"Sounds like Mr. Grumpy-Skin needs a huuuuuuuggg!" Keef said, tightening the hug. "Don't worry, pal, I'll squeeze all your negative feeling-ness away!"

Zim struggled to escape the boy's grasp, causing Keef's grip on him to loosen enough for him to breathe a little. "Aaaahhh! The hugs! The afffffffection! The lovey-dovey! It BURNS! **It burns!"**

"Aw! I love you too, bestest friend!" Keef said happily.

Eventually (a pretty long eventually), Keef let go of Zim, allowing the Irken to fully breathe again. By that time, everyone in the room was laughing at him. Just what he needed right now! Keef, however, didn't seem to mind the laughter and kept right on gobbling down the loaf of meat on his plate. The fact that Zim was able to avoid vomiting the whole time he watched Keef amazed even himself.

Of course, the rest of the day wasn't all that different. Keef was _always_ there, even usurping Zita's seat so he could sit right behind Zim, and bug him the entire class time with his ever-staring big eyes. At one point, Zim opened his locker, only to find it covered in hearts, rainbows, and unicorn stickers, right before being attacked from behind by the ginger Huggy Monster himself. By then he knew that trying to fight the kid off was pretty much futile, so he just begrudgingly let it happen.

* * *

As Zim dreaded, Keef's clinginess was not confined to the skool premises. Once skool ended, Keef saw it fit to accompany Zim back to his house, and chattered non-stop the whole way. It felt like ages before they finally made it to Zim's house. Yet even when they stood literally right in front of the door, Keef didn't end his chattering. He was going on and on, something about an amusement park?

"...and then, we'll ride the Death Vortex until we throw up and our brains are sloshing around in our skulls," Keef chattered. "And we'll have cotton-candy, chili dogs, and soda after our stomachs have recovered. Then, we can ride the Hell House ride. I don't really like haunted house rides like that, because I always have to change my pants afterwards, but if you want to we will. What do you think, Zim? Does that sound like fun?"

The whole time Keef chattered, Zim stood in front of him, facing the door of his house, his eye twitching relentlessly. Finally, he turned toward Keef and shoved the boy backward. Surprisingly, Keef kept his balance and didn't fall on his posterior as Zim had hoped he would. Even worse, that stupid smile on his face never faltered.

Zim continued to shove Keef repeatedly, with the same results. "Get...your...smelly...ginger...head...away...from...me!" he said with each shove. Then, he fell to his knees. "Ple-e-e-e-e-e-a-a-a-se!" he said in a voice that almost sounded like he was sobbing. "For the love of the tiny iota of goodness that may or may not exist in this ffffffilthy world, just leave me alo-o-o-o-o-o-o-ne!"

Keef just stared down at Zim, that same nauseating smile on his face, and said nothing. Seeing that his utterly humiliating display of begging wasn't working, Zim started to growl, which crescendo-ed into an angry yell.

"GET OUT OF MY LIIIIIIFE!" Zim shouted before turning and running into the house, slamming the door in Keef's face.

"OK, I guess I'll see you tomorrow, buddy," Keef said cheerfully, his smile remaining as he continued to stand there on the walkway to Zim's house.

Inside, Zim pressed his back against the door, breathing heavily. He waited a few minutes before walking over to the window and peering out. Keef was still standing on the walkway, staring at the door like a dog waiting for its master to come home. Then, Keef turned and spotted Zim in the window. He flashed one of his sickly-sweet smiles and waved at Zim enthusiastically. Zim yelped in panic and frantically closed the blinds. He stood there a moment, gasping for breath.

Then, the phone started ringing, causing Zim's eyes to bug out in alarm. Right after, a card slipped under the door. 'Keef + Zim, Bestest Friends 4ever' it said. Seeing this caused Zim's eyes to bug out even more.

"Aaaaahhhhh!" he shouted. "IT'S HAPPENING AGAAAAIIIIIINNNN!"

He screamed again, and ran through the living room, running right past GIR who was still watching TV. Seeing his master go running past him, GIR released an excited gasp. "Running and screaming! I_ love _running and screaming!" the little robot exclaimed happily as he leaped off the couch and started running and screaming in circles in the living room.

Zim, however, ran into the kitchen and dove down the toilet-elevator-thingy leading to his lab. Once in the lab he started frantically pacing before stopping.

"Computer!" he said.

"WHAT?!" the deep male voice of the computer said in an annoyed tone.

"Activate security gnomes! Make sure they get rid of the Keef-Pest for good!"

"OH, OK."

* * *

Up on the surface, Keef remained standing on the walkway of Zim's house. As soon as Zim disappeared behind the blinds, the smile on Keef's face dropped into a glare.

Suddenly, the red eyes of the security gnomes flashed on, and they all turned toward Keef. The boy turned and looked at the gnomes, who moved towards him, ready to remove him from the premises by whatever means necessary. Keef, however, looked at the gnomes with neither amusement nor fear. His face was straight and unreadable

Then, his eyes narrowed and the straight line of his mouth evolved into a sinister snarl.

* * *

Down below, Zim listened to the racket happening on the surface, smiling in satisfaction as he listened to, what he believed to be the gnomes doing their job of removing Keef from his front yard. The noise went on for a few minutes before going silent. Zim waited 5 more minutes to listen for any more noise, but everything remained silent.

"Hm, it seems the security gnomes have done a sufficient job," Zim said. "Still, I better check to make sure." He sat down in front of the computer monitor. "Computer, activate security gnome camera!"

"YEAH SURE, WHATEVER," the computer said flatly. The monitors switched on, but all that was there was black and white static.

"What is this?" Zim said. "Computer, activate_ all_ the security gnome cameras!" The computer complied, but each time they got the same result; nothing but static. "Computer, what is going on?!" Zim demanded.

"THE SECURITY GNOME CAMERAS APPEAR TO BE NON-OPERATIONAL AT THIS TIME."

"Non-operational?" Zim replied. "What are you talking about?"

"THAT MEANS THEY'RE NOT WORKING."

"I know what non-operational _**means!"**_ Zim said defensively. "Tell me _why_ they're non-operational!"

"UH, BECAUSE THEY'RE BROKEN? HOW THE HECK SHOULD I KNOW?"

Zim growled. "Never mind," he said. "I'll go see for myself."

"YEAH, SURE, GO AHEAD."

Zim ignored him as he exited the lab the way he came; through the toilet. He walked across the kitchen, and passed in front of GIR, who was now sitting on the couch entranced by the Angry Monkey Show.

"That horrible monkey!" Zim commented as he made his way to the door.

He stopped in front of the door, too scared to open it. There was no noise from outside, and the phone was silent as well, but he still wasn't sure. He tip-toed over to the window and lifted the blinds slightly to peek outside. He saw no sign of Keef, but what he did see caused him to release a horrified gasp.

The gnomes were standing in their usual spots, relatively intact, except for one thing;_ their heads had been completely ripped off!_

Zim screamed and closed the blinds. For several minutes he just sat there, trembling under the window. He listened for any noise from the outside, but heard none. Finally, he bucked up the courage to go to the door and open it. He looked back and forth, checking for any sign of someone else in the yard before running up to the first gnome and picking up its decapitated head, which, like all the others heads, had been discarded right next to it.

Zim inspected the head. "Wha-wha-wha-what has happened here?"

"Hi, buddy!"

Zim unleashed another 15 second scream and turned around to see Keef standing just outside the gate. The boy didn't move past the gate at all, but just stood there on the sidewalk with one of his sickly-sweet-yet-not-quite-right smiles spread across his face.

"What happened to your lawn gnomes, pal?" he asked, his expression slipping to one of concern that his eyes didn't quite reflect. "Did someone destroy them! That's awful! Oh, the _nerve_ of some people! No one has any respect for peoples' personal property anymore! Well, I hope you find the_ vandals_ who did it! See you at skool, buddy!" With that, Keef turned and walked away.

Zim was silent as he watched the ginger kid walk away. He looked down at the decapitated head of the security gnome in his hands before looking back up at the spot where Keef had just been standing. He did this three or four times, his face concerned and inquisitive.

Did Keef...?

Zim looked back down at the head of the gnome, and shook his head. "Naaaaahhhh!" he said, gathering up the damaged security gnomes and taking them back inside to be repaired, which he knew would take weeks!

Still, the creepy crawlies under his skin just wouldn't go away.

* * *

The next day, something interesting happened.

But before the interesting something happened, the day started as the day before had ended..._with Keef relentlessly sticking to Zim like stubborn tape. _

By that time, Zim was beginning to lose the strength to fight back against Keef's hugs and...stickiness. So for the first half of the day, Zim barely tolerated the little pest with an angry scowl on his face that Keef never noticed.

That was, until recess, because that's when the interesting something happened.

It all began when the other skoolchildren gathered together, for Chunk and Zita had appointed themselves as team captains for a game of dodgeball. Of course, as soon as Keef heard the word 'game' he was instantly on board.

"Oh boy!" he said excitedly. "Dodgeball! I love dodgeball! Let's go play dodgeball, Zim! It'll be fun!"

"Um, I would much rather refrain from participating in the play-ritual of dodging the ball, thank you," Zim replied. "I still have dark patches on my usually flawless skin from the last time I did."

In response to that, Keef grabbed Zim's arm with a grip like a vise. Yow! Since when was this kid so strong?

"Come on, buddy," Keef said. "Don't be a spoilsport."

Zim stared at the boy then let out a sigh. "You're...not going to give me a choice, are you?"

"Nope!" Keef replied.

"I thought so," Zim said before he was promptly dragged by Keef into the crowd of skoolchildren.

Thus began the Picking. Chunk and Zita each took turns choosing which kids they wanted on their team. This went on until only Zim and Keef were left, and it was Chunk's turn to choose.

No one knew it, but ever since the incident in the classroom the other day, Chunk had been avoiding picking Keef out of fear. Now seeing only Zim and Keef left, Chunk's fear came back. He didn't want to pick the suddenly scary ginger kid, but he also didn't want the freaky green kid on his team either. He looked back and forth between Zim and Keef as the latter eagerly bounced on his heels and the former stood there with the most annoyed expression on his face.

Then, Keef suddenly stopped bouncing, and looked directly at Chunk, his face slipping back into that same threatening expression Chunk had seen in the classroom. Keef held this look for a while, causing sweat to drip down Chunk's face. From somewhere in the crowd of skoolchildren behind him, someone shouted at him to hurry up and choose already.

"Uh, uh," Chunk said, sweating even more as Keef's dark look intensified. "Keef! I choose Keef!"

Keef's face rubberbanded back to normal. "Yay!" he shouted and ran to join Chunk's team. He gave Chunk a wide smile, causing the latter to back away nervously.

Zita rolled her eyes. "OK, I guess I'll pick Zim, then."

"Thrilling," Zim said flatly as he went to join Zita's team.

Everyone moved to the opposite sides of the playground, and balls started flying before Zim had much of a chance to prepare himself. One by one, his team mates were picked off, most going to the side for a temporary time out, while others suffered injuries and had to go to the nurse. Zim somehow managed to avoid getting hit, which he just chocked down to how amazing he was.

"Your pathetic attempts of striking Zim down with your dodgy balls are so...well, PATHETIC!" he declared before laughing hysterically.

Suddenly, a ball came whizzing past Zim's head. It didn't hit him, but the suddenness of it did cause him to lose his balance and fall backward onto his rear.

"Sorry, buddy!"

Zim looked up and saw Keef looking at him, his hands now empty. His face bore a look of concern; his eyes, not quite.

"Did I hurt you?" Keef asked.

"No, I am fine," Zim answered as he stood up. _More fine that you will be when I'm finished with you, Keef-Pest!_ he thought.

At the same time, both Zim and Keef picked up a ball. For a moment the two of them just stood there, staring at each other from across the line while everyone else threw balls around. Then, for a split second, Zim thought he saw that creeping malice zip across Keef's face right as the ginger boy got into a throwing-ball-ready-stance.

Whether it was panic or pure survival instinct, Zim doesn't know, but seeing that look on Keef's face sparked something in Zim's gut. Whatever it was it traveled from his gut to his arm, which operated on its own. Faster than even_ he_ believed was possible, Zim threw his ball before Keef had a chance to throw his.

Keef's reflexes were not quick enough to save him from the ball as it came flying right at him and hit him square in the face! The force propelled the boy backward ten whole feet and he landed in a heap on the ground. For a moment he didn't move.

"VICTORY! VICTORY FOR ZIIIIMMMMM!" Zim shouted triumphantly.

One of the other kids, Melvin, ran up to Keef. "Keef? Hey, Keef, are you dead?" he asked.

"No..." Keef answered in a hoarse voice.

Keef slowly sat up and looked at Melvin. Upon seeing Keef, Melvin suddenly let out a scream and recoiled in horror. Zim peeked around Melvin and couldn't believe what he was seeing.

_Keef's left eye was hanging out of his socket by its stalk._

Zim only saw it for a moment before Keef himself became aware of it, and quickly covered his left eye with a cry of alarm. He got up off the ground, and looked around frantically. "I-I-I-I...I gotta go!" Keef exclaimed before turning and running right out of the skoolyard.

Everyone stood there and watched Keef disappear. Zim looked down and spotted Keef's glasses lying on the ground. Out of curiosity, he picked them up and inspected them. "Incredible," Zim said in genuine interest. "The Optic Enhancers are completely unharmed. Not even a scratch on them. They're heavier than they look, as well. What are these things made of?"

Then Zim looked up and saw Keef come running toward him. He approached Zim and snatched the glasses out of his hands before running out of the skoolyard again, clutching his left eye the entire time.

Suddenly Zim was grabbed by the shirt by Chunk, who glared down at him with a face that was a mixture of anger and fear. "You stupid, green-skinned freak!" he said, shoving Zim to ground. "What have you done!? You've brought the apocalypse upon us all! You've doomed us! DOOMED US!" He let out a shriek and fell to his knees, repeating the phrase 'DOOMED US!' over and over again.

Zim almost wanted to laugh, since dooming them was what he had been trying do ever since he came to Earth. However, Chunk's screams of Zim's success in dooming them all gave him no pleasure. But it did bring the creepy crawlies under his skin back. The skool bell rang, signalling the end of recess. Everyone went inside, muttering about what had just happened and the weirdness of it. Melvin was muttering about the horror of what he had seen, while Chunk continued to repeat his rantings of the doom Zim had brought upon them all. Zim looked back to where Keef had run off, expecting to see the boy returning. But he didn't return.

In fact, Keef didn't return for the rest of the day.

* * *

Zim didn't see Keef for three days after the incident with the dodgeball.

Each day he was in class he kept expecting to see Keef there, or worse, have Keef sticking to him like tape that keeps sticking no matter how hard you try to shake it off. But he was always relieved to see that Keef was absent, which meant that he at least would have some peace, even if only for that one day.

That peace only lasted until Friday, when his torment took on a very different form.

* * *

Zim nearly jumped out of his skin when he walked into class on Friday and saw Keef on the other side of the room, sitting in the same seat he sat on the very first day. His head was down, as if he was reading something out of his notebook. He wasn't smiling, at least not at that moment.

"Well, it was nice while it lasted," Zim muttered.

As if somehow hearing him, Keef lifted his head and looked directly at the Irken, causing his insides to flip. Zim saw right away that Keef was no longer wearing his glasses, but his left eye looked very red and blood-shot, no doubt caused by the dodgeball. Seeing that eye back in its socket made what Zim saw three days ago seem unreal. Did it even happen or did he somehow imagine the whole thing?

Zim also noticed that, despite looking right at him, there was no sign of that usual sickly-sweet smile on Keef's face. His expression was straight and unreadable.

Zim wasn't sure how he felt about that.

Keef only looked at Zim for about 15 seconds before looking back down at his notebook. Zim silently slipped into his seat, doing his best to not make eye contact with the ginger pest. Once or twice he would look back at Keef, and was surprised each time to see him completely absorbed with Ms. Bitters' lecture, and not with Zim.

It was like that for the next few hours as well. Keef actually didn't bother Zim at all, and kept his distance, both literally and figuratively. Not only did he not talk to Zim once but he always remained on the opposite side of the room as him, even between classes.

Funny how having his eyes ripped out wasn't enough to keep him away, but a dodgeball to the face was.

Keef really was a weird kid, even by Zim's standards.

Zim couldn't deny that it was nice to not have Keef sticking to him all day. Even more so since Keef was actually at skool and_ still_ not bothering him, which means that the little pest may have finally learned his lesson and will plague Zim no longer. Such a nice thought that is. And with each hour that goes by with Keef coming nowhere near Zim, he was starting to think that that might be the case.

However, the overall lack of Keef-ish-ness Zim saw on the boy's face caused the creepy crawlies under his skin to creep again.

* * *

At lunchtime, things were pretty much the same. Keef didn't try to sit with Zim, and for that he was incredibly thankful, despite the creepy crawlies under his skin. In fact, when he looked behind him to see where Keef was, he was surprised to see that Keef wasn't even sitting at the Reject's Table. He was sitting at another empty table in front of the Reject's Table by himself, munching on a sandwich as big as his torso. He didn't look up once.

Zim sighed in relief and turned to his own school lunch, running his fork through some kind of yellow goop that the lunch lady called...what was it? The creamed corn? Yes, that's what it was. Zim ran his fork through the creamed corn, the sight of it alone having the power to make him gag. He sometimes wondered if this food was even edible for Earth-Children, because it never looked like it could possibly be edible for _anyone_. Of course, he wasn't going eat any of it. He only took it to keep up appearances; to make himself look as much like a normal human child as possible. He was fortunate that pretty much everyone here were too stupid to notice that he never ate anything. Well, except the Dib, of course. He was obsessive in his observations of the Irken. Zim could feel the Stink-Monkey's gaze boring into the back of his head from the table behind him. He tried his best to ignore him, and fiddled around with his food, trying to make it at least appear as if he was eating.

Suddenly, he felt something cold and floppy hit him on the back of the head and stick there. A second later he smelled the putrid stink of Earth lunch meat. Another second later, he felt the burning.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!" he shrieked as the burning tore into the skin on the back of his head, drawing everyone's attention to him. "THE MEAT! THE MEAT! THE HORRIBLE MEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAT!" he screamed as he fell to his knees on the floor, frantically wiping his hands on the back on his head to get the meat off of him, causing the thick slice of ham that had been thrown at him to fall to the ground.

"HAAAAAMMMM!" he shouted when he when he saw the ham on the ground, which he could still feel burning into his skin, no doubt leaving a nasty mark on his superior skin. "Someone has ham'd Ziiiiimmm!"

Immediately, he heard Dib's irritatingly familiar honky goosey laugh, loud and clear from the table behind him. The Irken growled as his stood up and pointed a clawed finger at the boy. "Dib-Stink!" he shouted in an accusatory tone. "You vile sack of hair and organs! You have ham'd ZIM! I know it was you! Only you know of Zim's problems with _THE MEAT!_ So confess! _CONFESS!"_

Dib's laughter died away, although it still remained on his face. "As entertaining as that was, Zim," he said. "I have nothing to confess to. It's hard to believe, but it actually _wasn't _me who threw the ham at you. And before you ask, no, I did _not _see who did. My head was down when it happened."

"YOU LIE!" Zim shouted. "Your head is _never_ down! Your eyes are always up, watching Zim! **Watching!"**

"I mean it, Zim," Dib said, a little more seriously this time. "I really didn't throw that ham at you."

Zim looked at Gaz, who was sitting next to Dib, completely absorbed in her Game Slave. "Scary Dib-Sister...?" he began.

"No," Gaz answered, in a tone that ensured no one would ever dare ask her that question again.

"Right..." Zim said, not even daring to finish the question.

"See, Zim?" Dib said. "Neither of us threw the ham. Looks like I'm not the only person in here who has a beef with you." He paused, then burst out laughing. "Beef! Get it? Did you hear that, Gaz? I made a meat joke without meaning to! I'm funny and I didn't even realize it."

Gaz, who had been slowly growing more and more irritated, reached out and grabbed Dib's arm with a death grip, cutting off his words, and his circulation, no doubt. "Dib, your annoying voice is grating away on what little sanity I have left. So if you want to live to see your next birthday, you better make sure I don't lose the rest of it," she said before letting go of Dib's arm.

"Duly noted," he said with a wince, rubbing his arm.

"You didn't throw it?" Zim asked. "Then who? WHO!?" He turned and got up on the table, looking around at all the other students. "Which one of you stinky Earth-Monkeys threw this smelly slice of dead pig flesh at ZIM!? Reveal yourself!"

All the kids in the cafeteria looked at Zim with confused frowns, then looked at each other. There were a few murmurs of 'wasn't me' or 'I didn't do it', and other statements of that caliber before they all returned to eating their lunch. Zim scanned the room, looking for any guilty faces. He scanned it three time, before his eyes fell on Keef. He wasn't sure why, of all the people in the room, Keef was the one who caught his eye. Perhaps it was because, sitting alone at that one table, he stuck out like a sore thumb.

Or maybe it was because, although his eyes were down, focusing on the sandwich he was eating, Keef was smirking.

It wasn't easy to miss, for anyone who was looking. The smirk was right there, painted across his face clearly, and it wasn't an amused smirk either. The smirk was a devious one, wicked, and even triumphant. It remained there as Keef continued to casually munch on his sandwich. The crawlies under Zim's skin were hyperactive as he watched the ginger, who never looked at Zim or anyone as he ate that sandwich.

Suddenly, as Keef took another bite of the sandwich, a thick slice of ham slid out the back and landed on the table. Keef paused, set the sandwich down, and picked the slice of ham up, staring at it as he dangled it in front of his face. Then, slowly, Keef turned, looked directly at Zim, and smiled.

The creepy crawlies practically burst out of Zim's skin! That was definitely _not_ Keef's usual sickly-sweet smile. That smile was something entirely different.

Basically, if the creeping malice was a demon, and the demon smiled, it would be that face.

Zim's squeedily-spooch started to twist in alarm again as his eyes remained locked with Keef's. That creeping-malice-demon-smile continued to grin back at him as Keef held the ham in front of his own face. It stayed there until Keef opened his mouth and dangled the ham over the gaping cavern. His tongue shot out and seemed to wrap around the ham before pulling it down into his mouth. Keef's eyes never left Zim's as he chewed the meat and gulped it down, his face momentarily contorting in pain as he did so, as if swallowing the meat was somehow painful for him. When he finished, his face once again stretched into that same demon smile.

Zim couldn't take it any longer! He quickly turned away, leaped off the table, and bolted out of the cafeteria. Panicked breaths rattled his body as he ran down the hall, passing both the boy's and girl's bathrooms before stopping and finding refuge in a nook in the wall. He stood there, his hand over his chest, trying to catch his breath. He couldn't erase that twisted smile from his mind. That was most definitely not a concoction of his paranoid brain. But his assumptions of Keef being naive and harmless were starting to look like _they_ were. He knew without a doubt that Keef was the one who threw the ham at him. The question was, is the Keef-Rodent aware of Zim's issues with _THE MEAT_, or not? Either way, his action had some degree of malevolence behind it, further confirming Zim's realization that the concept of revenge might not be as elusive to Keef as the Irken had previously assumed. What a fool he had been to try to cling to such false assurances! Especially when there were creepy crawlies in his skin trying to warn him!

"Fool!" he scolded himself. "You should have listened to the crawlies! _THE CRAWLIES!"_

He quickly silenced himself when he heard a door open down the hall. He peeked around the corner and saw Keef exiting the cafeteria. There was no trace of the creeping-malice-demon-smile, or even one of his sickly-sweet smiles on his face. His expression was straight and unreadable, just as it had been earlier that day. Keef soon stopped in front of the boy's bathroom. There was a brown paper lunch bag in his hand, and it appeared to be full. He looked back and forth, up and down the hallway, causing Zim to duck back out of sight, before entering the boy's bathroom.

Zim watched Keef suspiciously. Then he reached into his PAK and pulled out a tiny probe and placed in on the ground. He pulled out the control panel and activated the probe, causing it to sprout long mechanical legs like a spider and skitter across the floor to the boy's bathroom. Zim activated the probe's camera, watching its feed on the control panel screen. The probe crawled under the bathroom door, and once inside Zim saw Keef leaning over one of the sinks with the brown paper lunch bag resting right beside it. There was no one else in the bathroom at the time.

Keef leaned over the sink, inspecting his tongue in the mirror. He then gave into a whole body shudder. "Disgusting, vile ham," Zim heard him say. "It always leaves that icky, pukey taste in my mouth. Oh, my insides are burning!"

Keef burped and shuddered again, then pulled something out of his pocket. It looked like a tiny bottle of greenish, yellow liquid. He opened the bottle and chugged it down, swishing it around in his mouth. At first Zim thought it might be mouthwash of some kind. That is, until he saw Keef swallow the liquid. Zim knew very little about the rules of the mouthwash. But based on what few TV commercials he had seen, he knew that the mouthwash was not good for swallowing. So what was that stuff?

Keef stuffed the empty bottle into his pocket and pulled out another one filled with clear liquid, which he then proceeded to squirt into his still blood-shot left eye. After that, he put that bottle into his pocket, grabbed the brown paper bag, and headed into one of the bathroom stalls, looking around to make sure he was truly alone before opening the door. Zim waited a moment, but did not hear the sound of the toilet lid being put up. Zim operated the probe, and it skittered across the floor, parking down right below the door of the stall. Inside, Zim saw Keef sitting on top of the closed lid of the toilet, the brown paper bag resting on his lap. From here, Zim suddenly noticed that, not only was the bag full, but it was also moving.

There was something_ alive_ in there.

Zim frowned at that realization, yet watched as Keef opened the bag. He eyed the contents inside hungrily, licking his lips before reaching in and pulling out a long, fat creature, which Zim recognized as a common earthworm. Suddenly, Keef put the worm in his mouth and _bit its head clean off. _The worm's guts squirted out and dribbled down Keef's chin, but he simply wiped it away with his sleeve before putting the rest of the worm's body in his mouth and slurping it up like a strand of spaghetti. He reached into the bag again and pulled out a handful of five more worms, and devoured them in the exact same fashion. But because it was five worms instead of one, it was five times as messy and disgusting.

Zim clamped his hand over his mouth to prevent himself from vomiting as he watched Keef chow down on the earthworms. He eventually decided enough was enough, and maneuvered the probe back to him, putting it back in his PAK once it arrived.

"What the glognard did I just see?" he said aloud, pressing his back against the wall.

Then, he heard the bathroom door open again. He peeked around the corner and saw Keef exiting the bathroom. The brown paper worm bag was empty and crumpled in his hand, and he was wiping his mouth with his sleeve. By that time, the lunch hour was over, and the other students were filing out of the cafeteria. Keef walked into the crowd of kids, disappearing without a trace.

Zim stepped out from his hiding spot, his eyes remaining on the place where Keef had just disappeared. "Oooookaaaaaaay," he said. "I may not know all there is to know about typical Earth-Larvae behavior, but I'm pretty sure_ that_ was not typical behavior for an Earth-Larva."

"Look who's talking!" Poonchy said as he walked by Zim.

The alien ignored the boy, and kept staring into the crowd of children, his mind a roller-coaster of questions. He had never seen any human eat worms before. He's seen children eat dirt and even paste, but never worms. Was this something that some humans did? For all he knew, maybe. Still, the creepy crawlies under his skin were active once again, and this time he knew better than to ignore them.

Looks like things may have just taken a very interesting turn.


End file.
